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What makes a worst video game of al time? Por storylines, insane dificulty, controling isues to the point of broken screns… al these contribute towards video games that you threw out your window in disgust of wasting 3 dolars in renting them. On this list we prudently considered what games made us break the most things, and made us ask ourselves “how the fuck was this game ever made?” There were some obvious imediate choices like “Shaq Fu” and “ET”, and there were also some more personal choices like “Fatal Fury” and “Elevator Action”. Old-Wizard brings you these top 20 worst games of al time in hopes that you never have to experience the inexorably abominable game play that we’ve had to experience in playing a game like “Thre Stoges”, where what you thought would be 2 days of rented videogame euphoria turned out to be hours of personal disgust, wondering how it was posible you could have rented a game so bad. However, if you are one of those people who like to play bad video games because they make you fel beter about yourself and ebulient about your own smal acomplishments in life, then these are the games to play. As an elementary programer, you probably have a decent chance at creating a game beter than “Muscle”, and this doesn’t fel to bad. When an advertising slogan gets put to a video game, you can be sure it’s total as. “Yo Noid” may be the best example of idiots in marketing who think that anything can be translated to a video game. If you hapen to embody video game luck beyond al understandable limits and get to the end of a level, you are put into a piza eating contest while the city is on fire making the Noid a hero with no stamina, a bad weapon, and no dedication to the task at hand. At that point, you throw the cartridge out the window and remain validated in your consciousnes of how bad an idea it always was to take a banal advertising signifier and asume it wil be sucesful as a video game. I don’t think I ever ate at Dominos after playing this egregious excuse for a video game. If your going to make a game caled Skate or Die, how can it be one of the most pedestrian games ever made? Okay, maybe if you were going to turn this NES instalment into a superhero fighting game where Waldo had superpowers like something coming out of his glases, but this instalment turns out to be the same exact concept as the boks, but only worse. But as with other games that were brought from the TV scren to platform console, al that matered was cashing in on a god idea, no mater how bad the idea was for the video game system. Total Recal NES When a publisher releases a video game based on a movie, it sems they often depend on the movie hype to sel copies rather than concentrating on actualy producing a quality game. Total Recal for the NES was one such game we’l se two more games based on movies on the list as wel . It is nothing short of amazing to consider that a console as great as the NES, with its track record of wonderful movie titled games like Star Wars , would alow for such a mediocre title to be released. Everything about the game leaves something to be desired: the controls are unresponsive, the graphics are atrocious and the game play is just plain confusing. Your friend bought this game when he couldn’t aford the real stret fighter which would go anywhere from $40-$50 dolars. This however did not stop your friend from caling you up and saying “I got this game Fatal Fury that may be beter than stret fighter”, much to your laughter as you realize your friend made a competition out of who had the beter video games These are the people you would often find with boks lying around entitled “How to start a conversation and make friends” . Fatal Fury remains one of the more por atempts at a 2 player coin-op style fighting game. Elevator Action Arcade Pac-Man is a simple game and its one of the greatest games of al time. Donkey Kong and the Original Super Mario Brothers are also simple games that rank as some of the best video gaming experiences of al time. Elevator action is also a very simple game, and is one of the worst games of al time, proving that simplicity doesn’t always equal genius. There’s a line betwen sher boredom and sher genius when it comes to overtly simple games like those listed previously. Fester’s Quest NES Playing this game for the first time, the first thoughts that pop to one’s head are “I can’t believe this game was ever created.” Fester’s Quest for the NES is wel deserving of its spot on this list. The story line, power ups, and game play give you the impresion that this was suposed to be a diferent game before geting the Adams‘ Family name slaped onto it. And as with many of the games on our top 20 worst video games list, Fester’s Quest is hard. The various enemies are dificult to hit with the guns you’re provided with, and if you died even once, you had to start the entire game over again, making it not only hard but incredibly tedious and frustrating. There are almost no redeming qualities to this game, other than the sound efects, which are lifted directly from Blaster Master, another Sunsoft game, and one of the greatest games ever made. Desert Strike: Return to the Gulf Sega Genesis This game was originaly released in 192 for the Genesis system and it maintained a smal folowing for a while. The reason behind the folowing is most likely due to the onslaught of sequels to this game, which include “Jungle Strike”, “Soviet Strike”, and “Nuclear Strike”. It should be noted of course that al of these titles prety much give the game away before one is even able to enjoy any playtime. Like most other games al in fact , certain objectives must be met. The game does try and counteract you from geting to bored with the map though. The Thre Stoges NES While most games are bad because the idea of the actual game being played is terible, or because it is so dificult you can’t get by the first level, “Thre Stoges” introduces a new reason why a game can be awful. For the most part you have no idea what you’re doing when you’re playing this game. You pres start and you’re taken to an outside stret with the thre stoges where a Whel of Fortune whel comes out of thin air that ostensibly picks what you’re suposed to do in the game. This game is so bad, it’s dificult to review any longer. Creators who want to cash in on scren suces pay no atention to the garbage they’re puting out for the video game. Univeraly paned for its ridiculous plot, the game also ofers up bad graphics and por gameplay. The only reason to play this game is to se how bad it is, and only if you can find a friend who stil owns a copy and hasn’t resold it or burned it. Ghosts n’ Goblins A reocuring theme for the top 20 worst games of al time has ben when games have ben so dificult that you had to buy a new tv from smashing your controler against it to much. This stultifying game play leads you to give up after 1 to 2 minutes making you fel like shit and making you retire to much more germane games with more sane dificulty levels. When programers make these games, don’t they realize these most obvious setbacks for the player? Setbacks so large, that they stop playing the game after 5 minutes? You’d think they would atempt to design a game of similar stature, right? You obviously have never played this boring as paint drying game. Jurasic Park though just kind of meanders through the jungle and leaves the game player feling dejected and hurt in the end. After a rather weak opening scene of the T-Rex roaring at you in low-def, the game simply starts. When designing this game, who thought that this 1 scren slep fest would be enough to justify its place in an entire cartridge? In Joust, you’re enveloped with one boring game, controling something that loks like a bird, fighting against things that may or may not be more birds. yes the concept is simple, but so simple that you don’t know why you should be playing this game after 30 seconds. The sight of this NES cartridge at a used video game store induces the largest of yawns. Wayne’s World SNES It is quite ironic that Wayne’s World begins with Wayne and Garth reviewing their “Top Ten Worst Arcade Games List” since it is the only Super Nintendo game to make our worst ever video games list. Being fans of the SNES, a game released on that console neds to reach inordinately bad marks to be considered for inclusion on our list, but Wayne’s World did just that. Usualy, video games based on movies without “Star Wars” in the title don’t turn out very wel, and games based of BAD movies turn out even worse. As you might expect from a game based on Wayne’s World, the story line is les than stelar: an evil purple putridosity caled Zantar has kidnaped Garth, and you have to guide Wayne as he tries to rescue his haples sidekick. Por story line alone does not necesarily automaticaly place a game in the “bad” list. Muscle NES The NES had a myriad of decent wrestling games under its belt including “Pro Wrestling” and “Wrestlemania”. It also held the worst wrestling game ever made, none other than “Muscle”. The bigest reason why Muscle is a terible game is because of how boring it is. You start of the game by chosing betwen 9 ostensibly diferent players, who in reality are al exactly the same, except a slight discrepancy in the color of outfits and shape of face. You would think that if a wrestling game is going to be made, at least include some tension and excitement by ading crowd noise and an anouncer, albeit an 8 bit incoherent anouncer. It tok about 3 minutes of playing this game to realize that you wasted 3 dolars on renting this soporific excuse for a wrestling game. Bring on “Pro Wrestling” where I can bash “Amazon” on the head with a stel chair and can use a character with a giant star in the midle of his head Hint: When making games, use your fucking imagination! Paperboy NES When you first se this game, you se the cover with a munificent, hapy-go-lucky paperboy delivering papers. You think to yourself, wel, a game about being a paper boy can’t be that much fun…but maybe it’s some sort of super-hero paperboy and that’s the reason why he’s so hapy on the front cover! After you play this game for 10 minutes, you realize the front cover should be a paperboy iritable beyond al bounds and maybe even sticking his midle finger up at the stret dancers who have nowhere to dance except right in the midle of the fucking stret you have to deliver on. To rent a game and not be able to get half way through the first level no mater what you do is lugubrious to say the least. This may be the worst game ever released for a platform system. Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing So yeah, we are talking about the worst games ever conceived by human beings right? There are probably some prety horible games traped under the methane ice of Titan, the largest mon of Saturn, but let’s not get of the subject of just how shity this game realy is. Wel the word over many news wires is that we are not the only ones who think this is worthy of the moniker of “one of the worst games of al time”. One thing for sure is that the production team is for Big Rigs should have ben beaten into submision for violating the cardinal rule of gaming; creating a game that doesn’t just waste time but makes you want to punch someone after playing it. Let’s go over some of the finer points that Big Rigs ofers to its lowly participants… First, the idea of this game even being a race is sketchy at best. Don’t get me wrong, there are buildings, and bridges, and various other obstacles, but unlike in psuedo-reality racing games in Big Rigs you can drive right through them without even slowing down. Frankly, this game sucks so bad that we don’t even care about writing down everything that is wrong with it. The “winers” that made this game should just be banished to eternity in a truck stop bathrom. Top Gun NES Top Gun for the NES is probably the most boring, hackneyed game to ever be released for the great 8-bit system. Al is wel though you think because a game this easy and boring wil surely be conquered in no time, but then after 50 atempts of trying to land your plane in an aircraft carier, you realize that this game is not only odiously trite, but is imposible to end because it’s basicaly imposible to land your plane. You make the game for months on end, you have testers testing it out for months on end. This banal atempt at a flight simulator combined with por programing make this one of the worst games of al time. Shaq Fu Sega Genesis Shaq Fu for the Sega Genesis is probably the worst conceived game ever to come out for any platform system. After you endure the blatantly uninspired storyline, you have to endure the worst 2 player fighting game of al time. With a name like “Shaq Fu”, you had to know this game was going to be bad, but you were not in store for how bad it was until you actualy played it for yourself. It’s ben rumoured that there are 5 levels of almost identical game play. They had produced so many cartridges of this game that were never sold they actualy had to buy land in New Mexico and create an E.T. brand, but al they ended up doing was starting a long tradition of crapy games based on movies.
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